The heavy weight on my shoulder
I feel the weight on my shoulder. I think it's time to share the story. Please hide my profile. Unlike other victims, my mum is a very caring person and she never leaves me alone with anyone, other than my grandparents, of course.
No uncles, no cousins. The demon was my dad..
What my dad did to me
I was 6 years old when it first happened. I come from a poor family and we can't even afford to buy a fan. Sometimes it'll get too panas (hot) at night.
How I wish I could tahan (stand) a little and didn't tell my dad that I felt too hot.
"Panas? Buka seluar kalau panas (Hot? Take off your trousers if you're hot)"
For a 6 year old kid, that sounded harmless. But I didn't take off my pants, He did! He put me on top of him and positioned me to "hmmm" his "comfortable" spot.
My mum woke up just in time. Thank God! There were big arguments after that night. I can't remember what they talked about. I felt confused and all I did was cry.
Talking to mum
The next day, my mum brought me to town. She wanted to talk it out.
"Does it hurt?" she asked.
"No." I said.
She hugged me. She cried.
It happened again
That's the only event she knew. It happened again, twice. He tried. And he failed. The last time he tried was when I was 15 years old.
He asked me to open my room door saying he wanted to take something. But I knew what he wanted to do.I just had my bath. I didn't open the door.
How did it affect me? It's torturing me. If I tell my mum, I know she'll feel hurt and cry again. So, I kept it to myself.
I wanted to go as far as possible from home. How can I stay under the same roof with a monster?
In Form 1, I applied to stay in my school's hostel. I succeeded. Then, I applied for matriculation. I succeeded. Applied for university, I succeeded again.
I did those to stay away from home.
But in all those years of separation, I've always missed my mum. She's the reason why I can still stand tall and go through shit.
I was 26 years old when I finally told my mum about my dad's evil attempts. She thought my dad menyesal (regretted) that first event. My mum cried again. I told her not to. He is forgiven, I said.
He killed his own daughter
I can see my dad's regret. And I can see that he couldn't forgive himself for what he did. He killed his daughter. He killed my childhood.
He killed my youth. He killed a father-daughter relationship. But that's between him and God. I'm done hating...
If you suspect a child is being abused, or if you need help and have questions about child abuse, please contact:
Social Welfare Department hotline: 1-800-88-3040
WAO Helpline : 03 7956 3488
WCC: 04-228 0342
Source credits: Syed Azmi
Picture credits: news.com.au