TRUE ABUSE STORIES: He Broke My Inner Strength

It happened during my university years

Years ago, when I was in university, my mom opened a restaurant in town X, but she was working in town Y.

I was on my semester break. So, I helped mom to run her restaurant, while she was staying in town Y with my stepfather and their 4 children.

I didn’t have a good relationship with my stepdad as he used to get high on weed. He never prayed, fasted and didn’t even work. So, i stayed out of his sight and avoided him as much as I can.

One day, my mom came over to the restaurant and stayed for 2 nights. On the 3rd day, mom had an emergency at her work place and she had to leave to town Y.

My mom said that she will be back in town X the next day. For some reason, my stepfather didn’t want to follow her.

So my 4 step-siblings, 2 girls, aged 4 and 10, and 2 boys, aged 3 and 7, also stayed back at the restaurant.

We were singing

That night after closing down the restaurant and cleaning up, i went upstairs into my room with my 4 step siblings and prepared them for bed.

My stepfather was in another room downstairs with the other workers to smoke weed. As that was the norm, I didnt really care what they were doing.

Before I sleep, I loved to sing with my younger siblings as they were so adorable.

He tried to rape my younger sister

We were singing that night when suddenly we heard a loud banging and shouting on the door.

I locked the door earlier due to safety reason. My stepfather was at the door and shouting this over and over again, "Give me your sisters or I will break this door. I want sex. And your mom is a useless bitch"

My 10 year old sister was old enough then to know what her father meant.

She was crying and screaming and said to me repeatedly "Don't let him in, don't let him in".

By that time, we all stopped singing and all of us were crying.

With the help of my siblings, I pushed a wardrobe and a table against the door with all of my strength.

He couldn't break the door. He stopped after 1 hour. We stayed in for a whole day out of fear.

Mom forgave him

When my mom came back home, I told her the whole story. She had a big fight with him for 10 minutes before he apologised. And she accepted it

My mom told me to forget about it. I told her, it was easy for her as she wasn’t there and that it was terrifying to us.

I asked my mom, how could she forgive him. I asked her my mom what if he had gotten inside my room. Mom said "I love him". That broke me to pieces.

And we never sing anymore. Singing together brought back the memories. We all grew up and we hardly talk about it.

He asked for forgiveness

Ever since that night, which was 5 years ago, every Raya my stepfather would say he has repented and keeps on asking me to forgive him for that night. Even my mom begged me to forgive me.

The saddest part is my youngest sister, who was 4 at that time, and is now a beautiful 23 year old, said to me, "Since nothing happened to us at that time, please forgive my father and just let it go. And since he's my father, I have full respect and love for him since he is sincerely apologising."

My 10 year old sister remembered but she didn't wanna talk about this incident at all. She kept her distance from her father but still talks to him.

My youngest brother, who was 3 at that time, didn't even remember anything. He said this to me, "You are just trying to break our small family apart, just like yours"

Can I ever move on?

I was like “Hey, wait a minute.”

No one CARES what COULD have happened that night. Just because no rape took place, does it mean that nothing had happened?

Everyone expected me to accept it and move on.

Easier said than done.

What if?

My head is filled with all the 'what ifs'.

Would my beautiful sister have said otherwise if I wasn't able to protect them that night, with Allah's will?

What would happen to them then?

She was only 4. What would happen to her? To me? Would they all still be in university right now, happily studying and without much to worry about?

All in all, I believe in Allah's grace. My life is wonderful now with lots and lots of blessings.

I won’t forgive him

To all of you who are reading this, please don't comment here and ask me to forgive my stepfather. I won’t. That's between me and Allah.

He almost committed a crime that night. He broke my inner strength . He wanted to rape my sisters, who are his own flesh and blood.

Imagine living with that knowledge all the time. Living in fear of the 'what ifs'.

COMMUNITY MESSAGE:

If you suspect a child is being abused, or if you need help and have questions about child abuse, please contact:

Social Welfare Department hotline: 1-800-88-3040

WAO Helpline : 03 7956 3488

WCC: 04-228 0342

Source credits: Syed Azmi Facebook

Picture credits: KSR